It doesn't have to make sense.

It would be easy just to fall apart,
Some say you can die from a broken heart.
Is it true?

Why do we get the Monday blues?
Or that Friday feeling?
What about a Woeful Wednesday?
Never heard of that one.

When you're on the phone,
What makes you pick up the pen and doodle?
One small dot on a page, turns into a scribble, turns into a masterpiece.

Why does a rainbow make you smile,
Did you ever find the end of it?
Did you find that pot of gold?

Anti-ageing moisturiser- it can't stop you growing old,
It just prolongs the wrinkles from showing.
You are still aging.

Don't fool yourself,
Be real, be true.

Life has a meaning,
Karma and fate,
Everything happens for a reason.
Blah, blah, blah.

Trashy tabloids,
Groundbreaking news.
Babies born around the globe every second of every day.
Trees falling down,
Storms and tornadoes.

This doesn't make sense,
But who said it has to?
I write what I see in my head.
It might not rhyme,
But that's fine.
Ooo I made a rhyme,
On the above line.

Damn,
Ham
Lamb.
More rhymes, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

Now tuck yourself into bed,
That's not an easy task,
Rest your head upon your pillow and dream of days that have passed.
Memories you try not to forget,
But everyday you forget a miniscule part of that special memory,
Until one day that sacred memory is lost,
Stored in a locked box,
Deep in the chambers.
Locked away, code forgotten, key lost.
Memory gone.

You never listen!!

Sit straight!
Concentrate!
Look straight ahead!
Get your arse out of bed!

Listen when spoken to!
Do what you're told.
Manners never grow old!

Conform!
Do the norm!
Be a sheep!
Follow and bleet!!
Baa Baa, I'll copy you,
Because I don't have a mind of my own.

I'm a copy cat,
a robot in disguise.
Doing what's right in all others eyes!

Seeing but not looking,
hearing but not really listening.
In a world of my own,
where I can say,
I don't give a damn!

1:04am

So here I am, at work again and it's 1:04am.  After having nearly consumed a litre of caffeine fuelled energy drink, I am what you may call slightly 'buzzing'!!  But, I need the caffeine to enable me to stay awake!!  I just hope that I don't one day suffer from the dreaded IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) that my dear mum suffers from.  This would then involve me having to go 'decaf' on everything-so I think my night job would then come to an end!!

When I first started my blog, I was full of inspiration about things I could 'blog' about etc etc, but the stream has run dry for the time being and I am fresh out of inspiration.  So for now, I am blogging the day to day stuff that is me, my life. Some may find this extremely boring, but at 1:09am - it is helping me to keep my eyelids from drooping and me nodding off with my head on kitchen table!

Maybe I should tell you a little more about me, but then it's always good to have a little air of mystery about yourself.  I guess having a pic of myself on my blog profile and a blurb about me sort of takes that mystery away though doesn't it. So I have completely contradicted myself.  Oh well!

Well I may as well write a bit about me then, that will make a few more minutes tick by on the clock.

1.  My actual name is Sarah-Louise, but everyone has always called me Sarah, except my lovely uncle Denis, who calls me by my full name.
2.  I'm 26 and am already seeing the signs of ageing on my face!
3.  I have 2 gorgeous boys who are my universe.
4. Today my fiance and I have been together for an amazing 8 years.  Trials and tribulations we may have had, but we've come out the other side smiling.
5.  I eat almost every food under the sun, even if I don't like it I'll eat it, just to be polite!  Although there is one exception to that- broad beans!! I detest them, they taste like rubber!!!!! (I don't generally eat rubber for a past time, but you catch my drift!?)
6. I am a happy size 12, I know that I will never be the size 8 I once was.  My body just isn't designed to be that size/shape anymore.
7.  I have just come to realise the importance of exercise and am now ritualistically jumping round like a complete tit for an hour a day on the Wii Fit!  I do shut the curtains though, to spare the neighbours from the sight of me doing this!  Although, maybe I should keep the curtains open and sell tickets!!
8.  I get immense joy from watching my boys grow and learn things everyday.
9.  I am ginger! And have endured many ears of ginger related taunts.  Not so much now I am an adult, but people do seem to have an issue with gingers and I really don't get it.  It's just a bloody hair colour! 
10.  I suffer from B.I.H. (benign intracranial hypertension).  Google it, I can't be bothered to explain it and bore you!


That's enough about me...

My little man turned two last week.  And I think he has now caught onto this fact and fully engaged himself in the role of being a terrible two  year old!  This morning he had a cup of milky tea and some toast.  I left the room for literally two minutes to turn the washing machine on and when I got back, he had tipped the rest of his cup of tea on the table and was slapping it with his hands and all in the toast.  The toast had turned to mush, the tele was covered in spots of tea, as was the wall, the curtains, the cupboard the carpet and the little man (or shall I say monster) himself!!
Next on his list of destruction was my basket of clean washing, he tipped it out so he could run around with the basket on his head!!  Highly amusing for him, not so amusing for me, mummy dearest.
Next was him having a gigantic stinking poo in his nappy and refusing to let me change it.  After 10 minutes he gave in and let me change him, but by then the whole of downstairs stunk to high heaven.
Now, my little man likes to try and be as independent as possible and if you try to help him when he doesn't want you to then God help you.  He will shout 'No!' and scream until you are cowering in a corner, best just to leave him to it!!
I don't want to give you the wrong impression, these things are just the average toddler being a monkey, but when you put them all together, it sounds like he is the demon child.  But he's mine and I love him to bits and wouldn't change him for the world.

I am going to sign off for now as my bladder is full to bursting.
Au revoir
xxx

Another lonely night shift...

So, here I am.  It's 3:29am on Thursday morning.  Yes, that's right, 3:29AM!!  Why on earth are you still awake I hear you ask.  Are you insane?  Are you an insomniac??  Well, infact the answer is neither of these- I hope I'm not insane anyway!  And I am most definatley not an insomniac (ha, try saying that after a few glasses of wine), infact my bed and sleep are two very important things to me, I love my bed and I love to sleep!! I have even managed to fall asleep on a jeep safari in the mountains of Turkey!! Impossible some might say, but not for me, the serial sleeper!!
I have totally digressed here, but I guess that's what one litre of caffeine fuelled energy drink does to you!!  I am still awake at this ungodly hour because I am at work.  I work waking nights, I love my job, don't get me wrong, I just detest waking nights.  They are like some form of Medievil torture!!  Forcing your body to do things it really doesn't want to do.  Matchsticks really do hurt your eyes you know, really not reccommended!!

It's now 3:35AM and I am counting down the minutes and seconds until 7AM when I get to leave and go home.  But, alas my bed will not be calling me.  Well, it will be calling me, but I won't be answering it.  As when I get home, I will have two children to get up, washed, dressed and fed and take one to school, and then entertain my 'not quite 2 year old' for the rest of the day!

If I'm lucky I may get a quick power nap in on the sofa, whilst the 'wee one' watches Postman Pat- but the chances are unlikely as his new favourite past time is to not let me sit on the sofa!  He literally tries to push/pull me off of it whenever I sit down!!


The joys of motherhood, I work nights because I don't want to work days and have someone else look after my children.  But they are my life and I love them and there are sacrifices in life you have to make when bringing little ones into the world, and sleep is most definatley one of them!!!!

We Breathe

We breathe the same air,

We see the same moon,

But it's years since I've seen you last.

All of the oceans intertwine,

But why is my heart so sparse?

You said to me,

"Look up in the sky,

And pick a constellation".

Then you would look up at it too,

Wherever you were in our nation.

But when I look up,

I get a sixth sense,

That you are here no more.

No phone call,  no email, no knock at the door.

Alas you are gone,

My life must go on.

I await a sign,

maybe the blowing of the meadow grass.

And then I will press play,

I will live my life,

As if each day is my last.

...

One day,
I will be,
All the things I wanted to be,
I'll visit the places I said I'll see,
One day.

One day,
I will get those jobs done,
That I said I would do last week.
I will write a list of all those things,
And keep it within my reach,
One day.

One day, yes today,
I will try to stop saying,
'Yes in a minute',
My Attention I'll be paying...
To you, I will try to play with more
And put down the duster,
To play on the floor.
With your toys and your cars
And your Lego, zoom zoom.
We'll have fun and we'll laugh and we'll go to the moon!


I need to think of the important things,
My children, my family.
These are what mean the most and
These I love for all eternity.

Dreams

Do you ever dream?

Dream of who you could have been,

Where you should have gone,

Things you would have seen?

The life you could have had,

If you hadn't of done this,

Or had of done that?

Do you ever look back and think,

I wish I could change the way things went,

 The way things happened,

The life I spent?

If you had the choice,

To turn the clock back,

Do you think you would do it,

Or enjoy looking back?

Back on the life where you may have been naughty,

Silly and frivolous, juvenile, jaunty.

These things are all a part of becoming who you are,

Whether it a mother, a cleaner, or even a mega star.

I do look back,

But I never regret.

As if I did, then I would not be,

The person I am, and that is me.

Off to the land of Zzzzzzzzz's

I've just come up to bed, but now feel wide awake!!  Goodness knows why as I had a waking night shift last night, so technically I should be feeling pretty cream crackered by now!!!

I expect the giant Minnie Mouse mug full of coffee that I had whilst catching up with this weeks Eastenders didn't help!!

So... how to get to sleep. Count sheep? Drink warm milk?  Listen to relaxing music?  No, write another blog!!  I really am beginning to get addicted to this!  I think its a good way to relax and let your stresses out.

So now I am going to try and get to sleep.  I just hope I have some nice dreams about far away mystical lands, sun kissed beaches or being swept off of my feet by Edward Cullen! ;)  Unlike last nights dream, which consisted of living in a prehistoric world where dinosaurs were leaders, and I was stuck inside a glass house, trying to rescue the people on the outside from the dinosaurs and many other scary creatures that were out there!

Night night, hope the bed bugs don't bite.

Sweet dreams.

xxx or should it be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day trip to London.

So as random as my blogs are, reflects somewhat as to how random I can be, and my partner too.  We woke up on Saturday morning and were going through the usual list of things we could do with our day: swimming, cinema, going into town, or boring household jobs that are always lurking there in the depths, but try to be avoided!!

We decided to do none of these and instead to have a day trip to London!  Something that I love to do.  It is a long and tiring day, but sooo worth it! 

So, I went to work for one hour as this was my shift that day (I am a support worker for adults with learning disabilities) and left my partner the fabulous task of getting the kids and the car ready and having a quick tidy up.

My mum came with us too and by the time I had got back from work she was here and off we all went on our road trip to London.  We always drive to Nottinghill and then park and get the tube to where we want to go.  We can get from where we live in Somerset to London in 2 hours 15 minutes, which is good going and without breaking any speed limits!

We got to Nottinghill, parked the car and walked to the tube.  We got the tube at Queensway and got off at Oxford Circus.  We went to London near to Mothers Day and visited the Natural History Museum, so today we thought that we would just go with the flow and go shopping and eat!! 

We walked and walked and looked around the shops and tackled the hundreds if not thousands of other pedestrians that were doing exactly the same thing!

We did the usual touristy streets, Oxford Street, China Town, Leicester Square, Covent Garden etc etc.

We decided to stop for lunch at Chiquitos in Leicester Square, a bit of a romantic reminiscence for my partner and myself as this is where we had nearly eight years previously been on a couple of our dates, as my partner used to live in Bayswater and I used to get the train up from Sussex to visit him.
I love Chiquito's, great food, great atmosphere and lovely memories.  ;)


After lunch and a quick nappy change, not mine obviously!  My 22 month old sons! We ventured back into Leicester Square and made our way to Covent Garden.  Stopping at the Croc's Shop to buy some Crocs for the boys.  They are quite pricey, but definitely worth the money and soo cute on tiny feet!!


We went to Covent Garden and my five year old son was nearly petrified when he put some money into a golden 'statues' basket and he came to life and then wanted to shake hands with my son.  He did eventually shake his hand but this
then scared our other son who started to cry.  Oh dear.

We did some more looking round shops, and then I spotted my beloved.  No, not my partner, Paperchase. (If you have read one of my previous blogs, you will understand my obsession with stationary and Paperchase)  I didn't go too over the top and managed to leave with just another notebook and pen. I was eyeing up the laptop sleeves, but they didn't have one that was the right size for my notebook :(


We then looked around Covent Garden Market and I bought two absolutley gorgeous prints of London, that we are going to frame and put up in the lounge.

Then we were feeling a little weary, and also with our bellies full of lovely food- we decided to get two bike taxis (I don't know the proper names for these, I'm sure there is one?!?) to Hamleys.  From Covent Garden this is quite a trek for two young turkish boys peddling with two adults and one child in tow on one bike, and one adult and a child in a buggy on another bike!
We arrived at Hamleys and the boys eyes lit up!  We spent nearly two hours inside this shop.  The boys exploring every possible toy that they could.  Eventually they both had picked a toy that they would like to buy and we bought them and left.  


Not really sure why, but the buses were busy and we decided not to get the tube, so we walked from Hamleys in Regent Street back to where the car was parked.  It took quite a while, but was enjoyable and did add to the fun of our day.  We also took a look around Queensway, which bough back a few memories.  

We left at at 10.15pm and got home at 12.30am, which included stopping for a bite to eat. 


Our feet may have hurt, and we may have been absolutely drained, but all in all, each of us had a fantastic and thoroughly enjoyable day and are looking forward to our next 'random' trip to London.


xxx

Wasp Costume

My son had an Ugly Bug Ball at school yesterday as it was their last day before the summer hols. I can't believe he has been there a whole year already and will be moving up to Year 1!!

Anyway, as my blog seems to be so random and no two blogs are the same, I thought I would put up some pics of his costume and I also painted his face- I was quite quite impressed with this, even if I do say so myself!!  I guess you could also make the same costume for a bumble bee but add some padding to their tummy!

This is his  face painted as a wasp, I forgot to paint on a sting, until my mum reminded me, so when he was dressed in his costume, I painted a sting on too.  For my first proper experience in face painting, I think I did quite well.  What do you think??

This is him with the sting.  He has stripy boppers on his head and his hat is made from the top of a pair of tights that has been cut off and then turned inside out and sewn together and then turned back out the right way.

This is the costume!  I brought a yellow t-shirt from Primark (it's actually a girls t-shirt, but shh, they didn't have any boys ones in yellow and I thought it worked out quite well as it was longer).

I got a marker pen and drew lines on the t-shirt front and back and then coloured them in alternately.

He is wearing a pair of black tights on his legs and plimsolls.  I also cut up another pair of tights and cut out finger holes for him to put on his arms. (I sewed around the finger holes to stop them from ripping)  This pair of tights that I cut up for his arms are also the ones that I used for making his hat-waste not want not!! :)

The black wings I bought from a fancy dress shop and also the stripy boppers on his head.  I made the sting by cutting a circle out of an old black jumper and then folding and sewing it into a sting shape and then I sewed it onto the t-shirt.

I also sewed one popper in between his legs on the t-shirt so it looked more like a body.

I hope you like my costume I made.  I also made him a spider costume when he dressed up as incey wincey spider last October, I may post the pics of those on here too.

Stationary, Oh stationary, where for art thou stationary?

Now, my love for stationary goes back to when I was knee high to a grass hopper, my dream used to be (and secretly may still be) to own my own stationary shop. Shelve after shelve, row upon row of pretty pens, stupendous staplers and noteworthy notebooks. Oh yes, to be the proprietor of 'Sarah's Stationary Shop' was my be all and end all!!


Yes, I may have grown up a bit (just a bit),but my secret love of stationary is still there. I still get excited when I walk into WHSmith and see all of their stationary set up, just so on the shelf, calling your name, telling you to buy it!!

I first learnt of the shop called PaperChase when I was about 13 years old, I had never been in one, as for all I knew about PaperChase was that it was a stationary shop in London, where you were lucky enough to go if you were an SW10 child living in Chelsea with £20.00 per week for pocket money!!
So, you're wondering how I came to learn about the oh so pleasant PaperChase?? Through being 13 and reading Just 17 magazine. Do you remember that?! I used to love reading the weekly/fortnightly (can't remember which) issues. Getting my two adorable aunties to unbeknowingly buy it for me. Knowing that if my Dad were to know I were reading it, would confiscate it and forbid me from ever setting my eyes on it again, ever! With it's raunchy agony aunt problem pages and audacious articles on sex and frivolity!!
At just 13, and now being 26, I do kind of see where my Dad was coming from!! As he did eventually find it, and confiscate it! :(

Anyway, back to how I discovered PaperChase. It was in the photo articles of Just 17 magazine. Glossy colour photos of pens and pencils, notepads and pencil cases-just beautiful. I needed to visit this haven for stationary lovers-alas I never did.

Until...

I had the most fortunate event of entering a PaperChase some 12 years later at the age of 25, and nearly had a panic attack at seeing all of the gorgeous items. If I could have borrowed a bank to buy literally the whole shop if not the whole chain, then I would have!! But I behaved and managed to control myself and left with a shiny new pen, a gorgeous notebook and an impressive iPhone cover-all matching, ofcourse.
You ask yourselves how I managed to walk away, I did this safe in the knowledge that my beloved PaperChase shop was a mere 40 minute drive away. I just pray they don't go into liquidation!!!


Now some of you may think I am some sort of stationary wierdo but deepdown, I know you all feel the same. Man, woman or child; we all have the 'stationary geek' inside us!! I have even successfully converted my partner of 8 years into a 'stationary geek', although he won't admit it!! He may admit to being a 'techno geek' though as he sits next to me playing with his not one,but two (yes two) IBM thinkpads that he has purchased from Ebay!!!

I will now leave you to sit and think of the many happy childhood memories you may have involving your love of stationary and all things beautiful and shiny!!

Really not feeling it today

Today, I'm really not feeling it. Not in a rude sense, just that I am not having a good day.

I woke up with the headache from hell. I suffer from Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (IIH). In short, it's an increase in the levels of fluid that surround your brain and ultimately cause pressure on your brain and optic nerves. I have had multiple lumber punctures, which aren't very pleasant and opted out of surgery as was too scared of the risks involved. So the only other option was to take a diuretic everyday to try and disperse the fluid. Things were working well, but my partner and I wanted to start trying for another baby. My Neurologist told me to switch to another diuretic as the one I was on would have dire consequences if I were to have a baby. I was still concerned about taking any sort of tablet if I were to be trying for a baby/fall pregnant so spoke to my GP- I told her the other diuretic that my Neurologist recommended and she said there was still a chance that not very nice things could happen to a baby if I were to fall pregnant.

I asked my GP what I should do, as even if there were a 1% chance I could hurt my baby, then I would not take my tablet. If I were to fall pregnant and not be taking anything and give birth to a child that had something wrong with it, then that would be beyond my powers and I know that I would not have contributed to it. But, if I were to be taking a tablet and give birth to a child with something wrong with it, then I would never forgive my self, ever.

I was managing well, I weaned myself off of my diuretic as instructed by my GP, and eventually wasn't taking anything. I thought all was good, but I think I was fooling myself into some sort of sense of false security as I knew the pressure was building up again, as one of the symptoms is a constant whooshing noise that I get in my right ear. It started whooshing again, 24/7 and it is like having someone living in your ear constantly blowing down it. I then have trouble hearing people as the noise gets so loud!!

Then the headaches started again, really bad. So, ultimately my partner and I have come to realise that I cannot live without my diuretics and that we should not be trying for a baby. I am upset about this, but I just need to think about the two beautiful children that I do already have and that there are some people out there who are unfortunate not to have any.

My whole IIH thing started when I fell pregnant with my second son Joshua. One of the reasons for getting IIH is being overweight, but I have never been overweight. The Neurologist decided that I must have got this because of the giant surge of hormones my body got when I fell pregnant. So, to fall pregnant again whilst still having IIH, I don't think I would be able to cope with it.

I have had this for nearly 3 years now and had multiple stays in hospital. As there is a risk to my sight if the pressure builds up too much, I know I have to make the sensible decision and keep taking my tablets. I really don't want to have surgery to insert a shunt that would release the pressure.

This really is a silent condition that not many people know about, and at times you do feel like you are some sort of hypochondriac!! But, I assure you I'm not and anyone else out there who has this will know what I am talking about.

I am now dosed up on Tramadol, so my headache has eased slightly, but is still there in the background. I will ring my GP on Monday and see her and also arrange an appointment to see my Neurologist.

I feel better for getting my little rant over with. Will blog soon, and be more cheerful. :)
xxx

Tooooo much food!!!!

I am such a pig!!!
I just ate my whole body weights worth of chocolate pudding and chocolate icecream!!!
I'm not even sure why really, because if I had to choose between a bag of crisps or a chocolate bar- it would ALWAYS be the bag of crisps!!
So, now I'm sat on the sofa, feeling like I have some sort of invisible lead weight holding me down. When actually, my brain is screaming out to me, get off your a**e and burn off the one million calories that you have just consumed!!!!!!!

In Love...

I am who I am
This is me.
Ginger hair, freckles-a-plenty and wonky bottom teeth.

I don't try to be perfect,
I just try to be me.

I know I forget things from time to time,
But, if you think about it, it isn't a crime.
I'm sorry if I piss you off, get on your nerves, make you feel roth.

I don't try to be perfect,
I just try to be me.

Me? Who am I?
I'm a woman in love.
With two beautiful children and you.
I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU.

At the end of each day, it's you who I love,
It's you who I turn to,
It's you that I trust.

I'll shout it from the the roof tops,
I'll sing it down the phone.
I'll send you silly text messages,
I don't want to leave you alone.

I'm not a woman obsessed ,
I hate making you stressed,
I don't do it in jest.
I'm in love.

I love you!!!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My first blog

Well, this is my first ever 'blog' and I don't really have a clue what I am doing!! But hey, here goes!! Wish me luck.

I've always had a burning desire to write. The thoughts are in my head but when it comes to getting them down on paper/computer they seem to get stage fright and nothing happens!!!

So here I am on a Tuesday evening, aged 26 and 1 day with my new netbook computer trying to think of something to write! Can I think of anything? No!

But, I am taking the giant leap into the world of blogging and have created my account at long last!!
So,from this day forth I will continue to blog/add to my blog and hope you manage to read them without falling asleep and hitting your head on your keyboard!!

Wish me luck!! xx