Today, I'm really not feeling it. Not in a rude sense, just that I am not having a good day.
I woke up with the headache from hell. I suffer from Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (IIH). In short, it's an increase in the levels of fluid that surround your brain and ultimately cause pressure on your brain and optic nerves. I have had multiple lumber punctures, which aren't very pleasant and opted out of surgery as was too scared of the risks involved. So the only other option was to take a diuretic everyday to try and disperse the fluid. Things were working well, but my partner and I wanted to start trying for another baby. My Neurologist told me to switch to another diuretic as the one I was on would have dire consequences if I were to have a baby. I was still concerned about taking any sort of tablet if I were to be trying for a baby/fall pregnant so spoke to my GP- I told her the other diuretic that my Neurologist recommended and she said there was still a chance that not very nice things could happen to a baby if I were to fall pregnant.
I asked my GP what I should do, as even if there were a 1% chance I could hurt my baby, then I would not take my tablet. If I were to fall pregnant and not be taking anything and give birth to a child that had something wrong with it, then that would be beyond my powers and I know that I would not have contributed to it. But, if I were to be taking a tablet and give birth to a child with something wrong with it, then I would never forgive my self, ever.
I was managing well, I weaned myself off of my diuretic as instructed by my GP, and eventually wasn't taking anything. I thought all was good, but I think I was fooling myself into some sort of sense of false security as I knew the pressure was building up again, as one of the symptoms is a constant whooshing noise that I get in my right ear. It started whooshing again, 24/7 and it is like having someone living in your ear constantly blowing down it. I then have trouble hearing people as the noise gets so loud!!
Then the headaches started again, really bad. So, ultimately my partner and I have come to realise that I cannot live without my diuretics and that we should not be trying for a baby. I am upset about this, but I just need to think about the two beautiful children that I do already have and that there are some people out there who are unfortunate not to have any.
My whole IIH thing started when I fell pregnant with my second son Joshua. One of the reasons for getting IIH is being overweight, but I have never been overweight. The Neurologist decided that I must have got this because of the giant surge of hormones my body got when I fell pregnant. So, to fall pregnant again whilst still having IIH, I don't think I would be able to cope with it.
I have had this for nearly 3 years now and had multiple stays in hospital. As there is a risk to my sight if the pressure builds up too much, I know I have to make the sensible decision and keep taking my tablets. I really don't want to have surgery to insert a shunt that would release the pressure.
This really is a silent condition that not many people know about, and at times you do feel like you are some sort of hypochondriac!! But, I assure you I'm not and anyone else out there who has this will know what I am talking about.
I am now dosed up on Tramadol, so my headache has eased slightly, but is still there in the background. I will ring my GP on Monday and see her and also arrange an appointment to see my Neurologist.
I feel better for getting my little rant over with. Will blog soon, and be more cheerful. :)